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SmackDown! Results!!!

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane [Non-Title Match]
-LIVE from Albany in the Great State of New York, it's the last show before Survivor Series, so who knows what's going to happen...on SmackDown! The video rolls and the pyros explode, and we are underway. Tonight we'll see Angle and Austin take on Rock and Jericho, but right now it's RVD taking on Kane! Kane starts with knockdown punches to RVD and a kick to the gut. Military Press by Kane, but RVD lands on his feet and dropkicks Kane. Shoulders in the corner by RVD, but Kane clotheslines him down. Backbreaker by Kane, who then starts kicking RVD in the back. Kane stands on RVD's back, driving his heel into the already sore body of Van Dam. RVD tries to fight back, but Kane catches him in a bearhug and then rams RVD into the turnbuckle. RVD hits a back elbow and then sommersaults off the top rope onto Kane 1-2-kickout. Spinning heel kick by RVD, then Rolling Thunder 1-2-shoulder up. RVD goes for the monkey flip, but Kane smashes RVD into the ringpost and then back body drops RVD. Big Boot by Kane, who then goes up top. RVD hops up and kicks Kane off teh top. RVD hops onto the turnbuckle, but Kane sits up and RVD is stuck. Kane goes to the corner and Superplexes RVD. RVD goes for the spining hell kick, but Kane catches him. RVD flips out and goes for the spinning heel kick again, but Kane ducks and locks in a choke on RVD. Booker T runs in and hits the Scissor Kick on Kane, followed by RVD with the Five Star 1-2-3! Undertaker runs down, forcing RVD and Booker to rush out of the ring. Fade Out.

In the back, Test is playing Tony Hawk 3, when Stacy Keibler comes in and asks if he's ready for their six-man match against the Hardys and Edge. Test was born ready. Stacy says that she always thought that Test was way hotter than Edge. She walks out, allowing Test to admire himself in the mirror.

In the back, Rock finds himself face-to-face with Jericho. Jericho says that a lot of people thought Jericho was going to bash Rock with the chair again on Raw, because of all those names Rock called him. But no, Jericho came down and saved Rock's ass. So Jericho just wanted to come in and assure Rock and the Millions that Y2J is a team player, and he's got Rock's back in their match tonight and at Survivor Series. Rock: "Knock knock", Jericho: "Who's there?", Rock: "The Rock", Jericho: "The Rock who?" The Rock who is going to lead the WWF to victory on Sunday. The Rock who is going to kick Jericho's ass down the road. But until then, Rock and Jericho are on the same page. Jericho agrees, saying that he'll wait until after Sunday to beat the hell out of Rock and win back the WCW Title. They shake hands, with Jericho trying to implement a "cool handshake", but Rock pulling away. Jericho says he's cool, and The Rock says that he feels Jericho. They shake hands again, this time with Rock doing his "cool handshake", which consists of a little 'duck hunt' action. Fade Out.

Edge & Hardy Boyz vs. Test & Dudley Boyz
-Edge and BuhBuh start off, with BuhBuh locking in a side headlock. Shoulder block by BuhBuh, but Edge ducks the clothesline and hits the frontface slam. Tag to Matt. Edge knocks Test off the apron, allowing Matt, Jeff, and Edge to triple suplex both Dudley Boys. BuhBuh backs Matt into the corner and tags in Test. Matt pounds on Test, but D-Von hits him in the back, allowing Test to clothesline him down. Mounted punches by Test, then back elbows and stomps in the corner. Tag to D-Von. Back elbow by D-Von, who looks for a powerbomb, but Matt spins around and hits a Russian legsweep. Tag to Jeff. Jeff takes down D-Von and then hits a forearm to Test. Double legdrop to D-Von, but BuhBuh pulls him outside. On the outside, BuhBuh smashes Jeff into the announce table and then rolls him back into the ring. D-Von covers 1-2-kickout. Pounding in the corner by D-Von. Tag to BuhBuh, who hits a falling neckbreaker, then another 1-2-kickout. Back bodydrop by BuhBuh, who pulls Jeff's legs back for D-Von and the Wassup Headbutt. Tag to Test. Clothesline in the corner by Test, then another. Tag to BuhBuh. BuhBuh goes second rope and misses the double leg drop. Tag to D-Von and Edge. Knockdowns from Edge, then a back body drop. He knocks BuhBuh off the apron and flapjacks Test into the ropes. Pulling slam on D-Von 1-2-broken by BuhBuh. The Hardys run in and hit Poetry in Motion on BuhBuh, and then Edge hits it on Test. The Hardys take Test and BuhBuh outside, while Stacy gets on the apron to distract Edge. D-Von runs at him, but Edge moves. D-Von applies the brakes to keep from hitting Stacy, but he turns around to get Speared by Edge 1-2-3! Test runs in and Big Boots the victorious Edge. Meanwhile, Lita runs in and punches Stacy off the apron, but Matt catches her! He realizes who he caught and immediately drops her, but not quickly enough to keep Lita from seeing it. She yells at him and storms off, walking right into a 3D! Fade Out.

In the back, Matt appologizes profusely to Lita for doing everything so wrong. He reaches in and lays the kiss on her, but looks up and rolls his eyes during the kiss.

Big Show vs. DDP
-In the arena, it's he, it's he, it's Positively Show! Big Show comes down in a blonde wig and some hilarious teeth. He likes him, we like him, and he's going to help us like us. You see, when Big Show destroys the Alliance at Survivor Series, that won't be a bad thing, because DDP will lose his job and that's a good thing. That way we won't have to listen to his annoying voice, see that fake smile, or hear him tell us what to do every again. DDP's music hits again, and the real Diamond Dallas Page comes out and starts wailing away on Show, but Show just clotheslines him down. Show takes off the wig and teeth, and gives Page the Show Stopper 1-2-3! I didn't even know this was a match... Shane runs down from nowhere and nails Show with a chair. He runs out through the crowd and taunts Show from the back.

In the back, Steph is watching some old Alliance tapes when Heyman asks if she saw what Shane just did. She says that no, she is watching the tape from that fateful night when The Alliance was born, and the look on Vince's face when she was announced as the ECW owner.

Paul Heyman Interview
-Heyman shuts off the tape and says that if she wants to see Vince make faces, she should watch what he looks like when someone goes down to Vince's ring and calls him out. That person would be Heyman, and the time would be now. Fade Out. Paul Heyman makes his way down the ramp and into the ring. In just a few moments, Paul will call out Vince McMahon, in "his ring", in front of "his fans", on a show owned by "his company". Well, until this Sunday that is. He knows how much the fans appreciate what Shane and Steph and he have done, standing up the the tyranny of Vince McMahon. This is the way it is: the WWF will die on Sunday, but don't blame Paul. Paul isn't the one who lifts up his leg and pisses on the memory of Bruno Sammartino, or Superstar Billy Graham, or the one who ruined everything that was accomplished by Stone Cold Steve Austin. At Survivor Series, it means so much more than those involved in the match itself. It's about putting a stop to what Vince has done to wrestling. He sat back and listened to Mick Foley on Monday, and agreed with everything he said. The WWF truly does suck. Vince simply doesn't have "it" anymore. The WWF is imploding from within. Vince's loyal employees left him, like Austin and Foley. Even Vince's children want to see him burn in hell. The WWF will burn at Survivor Series, and there's nothing he can do about it. Vince has as much hope of keeping the WWF going as he did with the XFL. "No Chances" hits, and Vinnie Mac marches into his ring. Paul says that he got on his knees when VInce entered the ring because Vince is so used to having Patterson and Brisco kissing his ass. But that's how Vince likes it, being a beloved billionaire. Heyman has waited too long to say this: he hates Vince's guts, just like his children do. And on Sunday, they will do to Vince what he has always hoped someone would do to Vince. Vince took Hulk Hogan's blood and built Titan Towers. He destroyed Bret Hart's dreams and made them into a private jet. He stole Shawn Michaels' smile and made billions. Vince isn't the "self-made billionaire" that he wants everyone to believe. Vince's father went around the nation, shaking hands with every promoter, vowing not to compete with them. But when he died, Vince came along and drove everyone out of business, stealing their ideas and making money off it. And you know who he got most of his ideas from? Paul Heyman. Vince stole Paul's dreams, Paul's legacy, and Paul's ideas. While Vince came up with Doink the Clown, Stone Cold was drinking beers in ECW. Vince stole ECW and named it "Attitude". Vince's children hate his guts, and on Sunday, they'll get even for all the shit he put ECW through. Vince goes around and flaunts his affairs in Playboy? Screw that. Look at Tazz. Tazz was a wrestler, damnit. But Vince wants "sports-entertainment". Tazz was a wrestler, but Vince thinks "wrestling" is a dirty word, and he turned Tazz into a two-bit, no-good color commentator. Heyman continues his diatribe at Vince, but Tazz has taken off his headset and come into the ring. He straps the Tazzmission on Heyman and brings him to the mat! Vince picks up Heyman's mic, gets down to the unconcious Heyman and says that Paul is the epitome of the Alliance, because this Sunday, the Alliance will choke. Vince drops the mic and walks off, following in Tazz's footsteps. Fade Out.

Booker T vs. Undertaker
-We come back, and Jim Ross has taken Tazz's spot at the announce table. Booker comes out, but Taker attacks him from behind, looking for revenge. Taker smashes Booker's head into the stairs and then tosses him over the barrier. Punches to the gut by Taker, who takes Booker back to ringside and tosses him on the announce table. Taker pounds on Booker and smashes him into the stairs again. They finally make it into the ring and the match officially begins. Big Boot by Taker, then more punches in the corner. Taker goes outside and grabs a chair. He tosses it into the ring, but Tim White grabs it. Taker shoves Timmy to the mat, so Tim calls for the DQ bell. Taker tries to attack Tim White, but Booker grabs the chair. Taker turns his attention to Booker and boots him down. Chokeslam to Booker T. He goes out and starts screaming about the WWF.

In the back, Regal tells Ivory that there will be a New Women's Champion crowned. There will be a Six-Pac Challenge, pitting three WWF women and three Alliance members against each other. The participants will be: Lita, Trish, Jacqueline, Ivory, Might Molly, and a Surprise Entrant. "Gregory Helms" comes in to Regal and asks about the "Immunity Battle Royal" match. Regal says that it will be a 20-Man, over-the-top Battle Royal. The winner is given "immunity" from being fired for an entire year. Gregory remarks that you'd have to be a superhero to win that one. Fade Out.

In the back, Austin and Angle are having a little "discussion". Austin says that he's still upset over what has happened lately. Angle says that he is with Austin, and he has his back. Austin says that Angle changes all the time, so he can't really trust Angle's words. Angle says that Austin is the one that no one trusts. Austin asks if Angle realizes how big Survivor Series is. Angle knows what is all the line. Angle is ready to kick Jericho and Rock's ass tonight, and he's ready to beat down the WWF on Sunday.

In the back, Regal comes up behind Torrie Wilson. He tells her that, although she and Tajiri are going to get whooped later tonight, he still wanted to wish her luck. Torrie says that he's no English gentleman; he's just a pompous ass. Regal says that, after Survivor Series, not only will Tajiri not have a job, he won't be able to move! But as for Torrie, Regal is sure he can find a "position" for her. Fade Out.

Tajiri & Torrie Wilson vs. William Regal & Ivory
-Regal and Ivory immediately attack their opponents, with Ivory going with the choke onTorrie after Regal tosses Tajiri over the top. Facebuster by Ivory 1-2-kickout. Hairmare by Ivory, then another. Ivory stands on Torrie's hair and pulls her up. Legdrop by Ivory 1-2-kickout. Big boot by Torrie, then a clothesline. Scoop slam by Ivory 1-2-kickout. Torrie ducks a clothesline and hits the handspring elbow. Tag to Tajiri and Regal. Tajiri hits the handspring elbow as well and gets a two count. Big boot by Tajiri, who then leapfrogs Regal and locks in the Tarantula. Green Mist to Ivory, but Regal takes him down from behind. Regal drops Tajiri on the ropes, and uses the advantage to pull Torrie in the ring and hit the double underhook powerbomb. Big boot to Tajiri, giving Regal time to lock in the STF on Torrie for the victory. Fade Out.

As we come back, Jim Ross and Michael Cole thank the fans for all their support, just in case they don't have a job on Monday.

In the back, The Fink stops Vince and tells him that he is extremely confident that the WWF will prevail. But just in case he doesn't have a job on Monday, he thanks Vince for 20 years of an incredible job. Vince says that the WWF will be successful on Sunday.

Chris Jericho & Rock vs. Steve Austin & Kurt Angle
-The Y2J Countdown hits, and out comes Chris Jericho to the ring first. The WCW Champion, and The People's Champion, The Rock, makes his way down to join his enemy/teammate. "Medal" hits, and WWF turncoat, Kurt Angle stops at the foot of the ramp, as the glass breaks and the WWF Champion comes out. They storm the ring and Rock and Austin brawl to start the match. Punches by Austin, then chops on the ropes, but Rock hits a neckbreaker and a clothesline. Rock looks for an early Rock Bottom, but Austin turns it into a Stunner, but Rock blocks and elbows him down. Chops by Rock, but Austin hits the Lou Thesz Press and the elbow drop 1-2-kickout. Stomps by Austin. Angle tries to make a blind tag, but Rock sees him and pulls him in. Samoan Drop to Angle. Tag to Jericho. Chops by Jericho, followed with some elbows to the head and a flying forearm. More chops by Jericho, but Angle fights back, only to be botted back. Missile dropkick by Jericho 1-2-kickout. Low knee by Angle and a tag to Austin. Knees and elbows by Austin, who then chops Jericho in the corner. Jericho tries to fight back, but Austin rakes his eyes and hits a crossbody 1-2-kickout. Chops by Jericho, but Austin tosses him over the ropes. Jericho lands on his feet and goes up top for a flying elbow. Austin goes for a suplex, but Jericho floats over and pushes him into Rock, who punches away on Austin 1-2-broken by Angle. Tag to Angle. Kicks to the gut by Angle, but Jericho comes back with chops. Angle ducks a clothesline and looks for the Olympic Slam, but Jericho blocks and goes for the Walls. Austin tries to clothesline him, but Jericho ducks and hits the springboard dropkick, knocking Austin off the apron. Jericho gets up and walks into a belly-belly from Angle. Tag to a returning Austin. Chops by Austin, then a spinebuster to bring Jericho down. 1-2-shoulder up 1-2-shoulder up. Austin chokes Jericho on the ropes, and then distracts Hebner, allowing Angle to get in some cheap shots. Jericho tries to cradle Austin 1-2-kickout. Austin again chokes Jericho on the ropes. He goes for the sitdown, but Jericho moves and Austin lands on the ropes. Austin goes for the Lou Thesz, but Jericho blocks and locks in the Walls, but Angle nails him from behind. Tag to Angle. Clothesline by Angle 1-2-shoulder up. Angle brings Jericho to the mat with a sleeper, but Jericho uses the WWF crowd to fight up and elbow out of the hold. Chops by Jericho, and a victory roll 1-2-kickout. Angle goes for a German Suplex, but Jericho rolls him up into the Ankle Lock! Angle is able to get out of the hold quickly and hit a belly-belly on Jericho 1-2-shoulder up! Tag to Austin. Kicks to the stomach by Austin, who picks Jericho up and 'buckles him. Chops by Austin. He goes up top and pounds on Jericho's back, but Jericho is still able to push Austin off. Jericho steadies himself and hits the missile dropkick. Jericho tries to get to Rock, but Austin grabs his leg. Enziguri by Jericho. He crawls to the corner, but again Austin grabs his legs. Jericho flips over Austin and hits the Breakdown, but he can't cover. In fact, neither man is moving. They stir around the seven count, but both men clothesline the other and they again go down. Austin crawls loking for the tag, but he goes to the wrong corner and gets punched by Rock. Austin dives to the other end and tags Angle, but by now Rock has tagge din as well! Flying forearm to Angle, then a DDT. Smackdown to Austin. Rock tosses Angle over the top and hits Austin with a spinebuster. SharpShooter to Austin, but ANgle breaks the hold. Angle pulls Rock up and locks inthe AngleLock, but Jericho breaks it with a dropkick to Angle. Jericho smashes Angle into the announce table, but Angle hits a belly-belly on the outside. Angle comes back inside and stomps on the ankle of the Rock. Austin goes outside and comes back with a chair! He smashes Rock's ankle with the chair, and then tosses Earl Hebner outside when he tries to stop him. The DQ bell rings, as Austin sets Rock's ankle in the chair. Angle holds Rock down while Austin goes up top. Taker runs down and chokeslams Austin off the top! Booker runs in and hits Taker with the Scissor Kick. Jericho runs in and takes Booker down with a bulldog and the Lionsault. Here comes RVD who hits Jericho with a spinning heel kick and the Five Star! But Kane is back and nails RVD with a chokeslam! Shane runs in with his chair, which he nails Kane with, but here's Show to punch the chair into Shane's face! Angle stirs back up and hits Show with the Olympic Slam! But Rock comes back with the Rock Bottom to Angle, only to get a Stunner from Austin! Nine men down, and only Austin left standing! But who's this on the stage? It's Vince, and he's got a smile on his face! End Show